Overwhelmed

      I know it has been quite some time since I wrote a post, but I have so many emotions and thoughts that I can't express correctly unless I write them out. Plus, I don't want to forget them. Since Thursday, I have been overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with a love for my Savior. Overwhelmed with a new passion to serve Him. Overwhelmed with sadness for the loss of a family member. Overwhelmed with how amazing of a woman she was. Overwhelmed with how much I love my church. The list could seriously go on and on. and on.
      The women's retreat this weekend was fantastic (other than the bears that just wouldn't take a hint and go away!). I got to know some of the women I attend church with a lot better as well as reconnect with some of the ones I have known since childhood. I also got to spend 3 days with my sister (that means nonstop hilarity basically). I was blown away with how awesome Tina and Lea-Ann attended to every detail that could ever be thought of- amazing I tell you!! The services were such a blessing and worshiping the Lord with other women is so refreshing and like nothing else. I left the retreat yesterday morning really fueled up and ready to hit the ground running to serve the Lord!!
       After getting home yesterday, Brittany and I had to immediately turn around and head to a funeral for our cousin, Lisa. I knew Lisa pretty well and loved her very much. I was not the only one. The church was packed and the tears flowed. She was only forty-three, had overcame so many health issues, had a husband and two teenage daughters that needed her- I keep constantly wanting to question God why. Then I have to remind myself, that His ways are not my ways and His plans are not my plans. She will be incredibly missed, but she is in a far better place holding a nail-scarred Hand walking through heaven with no need of a cane anymore!
      I know this may sound weird to some, but being at her funeral was such a blessing. I left convicted. Family members I spoke with left telling me they wanted to get back in church. This woman, though physically in pain more than we could imagine, served the Lord with her whole heart. Though she needed a hip replacement and could barely walk, every Sunday rode a school bus alongside her husband to pick up children and take them to church. The list of ministries she was involved in and helped with was long, but her pastor still said she would say to him, "I know I can't do much." He read Proverbs 31 and her husband raised his hands signaling pure agreement that her value was worth far more than rubies. Yes, I cried. What a blessing it was to know her! She was so pure and kind-hearted.
      Nichole Nordeman's song, "Legacy" comes to mind when I think about her. It says, "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough?" I remember not every hearing ugliness or complaining ever coming out of her mouth. She was like, as it says in Philippians, a shining star. If I can be half the woman Lisa Allen was, I will have accomplished a great feat. She put into perspective for me that there is no excuse not to serve the Lord. You make time and make a way to do the things you want to do, and if you are a believer, that should be serving and spending time with the Lord.
  So I come away from this weekend truly and utterly overwhelmed with the peace that passes all understanding.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3GxmLaaAwg

"I have summoned you by name; you are Mine."

"....Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through
the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will
not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the
Holy One of Israel, your Savior...."                             Isaiah 43:1-3

     The above Bible verse is my life verse. I say that not just because I absolutely love what it says, but because in very key times in my life, this is the verse that led me through them.
       In 2003, while preparing to go on a missions trip to Haiti, I wrote this verse on a manila envelope and placed all my travel documents I would need for the trip inside. I was very nervous about taking that trip, and I prayed this verse many times in preparation.
       Haiti was life changing. Honestly, I could have spent the entire time at the orphanage we visited on the first day. All those sweet babies want is for someone to hold them and care for them. Oh the sadness! It brings tears to my eyes as I remember those little darlings. When we arrived, there were about ten or so ranging from maybe eight months to two years (Its hard to tell because their development was so behind- some could have been three or four) laying haphazardly on benches and mats on the floor. Some were laying in puddles of their own urine! What little time we were there, we spent holding them.
     The rest of the trip we spent camping near a teensy village outside of Port-au-Prince (I think that's right- its been so long!) doing Bible school and giving out clothes and stuff, while others worked on building a school. During a mini monsoon holding beach towels up trying to keep rain out of our tent, while trying to go to sleep with creepy voodoo drums being played nearby, and while the door to the church/school was being stormed by eager villagers desperate for clothing and supplies- I had this in mind- "I will be with you...."
     So fast forward a couple of years, and I am twenty one years old and in ICU with a baaaaad kidney infection and a nasty case of pneumonia. At one point I told my mama- "I'm too tired. I can't do this anymore. I just want to die." I really felt like that. It was just soooo hard trying to breathe. I couldn't eat. I couldn't hardly move. I remember my dad spooning broth in my mouth like I was a baby. He'd say, "Good girl, now just a little more. That's good." I'm not trying to be depressing- that is just how bad it was- and the broth was when I was actually starting to get better. At the turning point, I was laying in the darkened room, an oxygen tube in my nose and a mask over that. and my mom had a paper in her hands. She said a prayer group had been praying for me (I think it was Trinity, but I was so out of it, I can't remember.) and had given her a verse to read over me. She started, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you..." and proceeded to read the verses. She choked up as she read. Tears were streaming down my eyes. I knew I had a purpose for being on the planet. God wasn't through with me. I would live and not die! By the middle of the next day, I was out of ICU and in a regular room. I also received a card from a sweet lady at Lifeway with that verse on it. I held onto that dear promise from God, and was out of the hospital by that Saturday. The next Saturday, I was at a Georgia game!
     Through many things, I have held onto this verse. You have to actually WALK through the fire, you have to keep moving, and sometimes once we get through it, it isn't always the outcome we expected. We have to trust in the One who has redeemed us. We are His.

The List

This is the list of songs that are my favorite for worshipping the Lord in my kitchen and/or living room.

In the Pregnancy/Newborn Cave- Its Quite A Cozy Place!

My cousin,Meredith, left me a voicemail not too long ago. Towards the end of the message, she said she understood what it was like to be in the pregnancy cave. That phrase completely sums up pregnancy and living with a newborn baby to me. It's not a negative thing- its just how it is. When I was pregnant, I was too tired to want to do anything at night other than vegging on the couch. I didn't want to alienate people, but other than my close family, I slacked on keeping in touch and socializing like I normally do. Everything felt like too much effort except my spazztastic cleaning spree that lasted the entire ninth month. Bennett Reid Brown was born on November 30, 2011 at 11:10 a.m. and he is so precious and wonderful. He completely melts my heart, and I could snuggle and cuddle him for hours on end. My house may have dishes sitting in the sink, there are days where pajamas are worn all day, a shower might not happen til Steven gets home, the grocery store visits are further spaced apart (with a newborn and a preschooler there is extremely limited space for purchases so Steven has to go with me most of the time) and I may fall asleep sitting up. With Lily, I was out and about a lot quicker, but with Bennett, I hesitate to go out much because of the cold weather. So for me pregnancy cave has lingered on into newborn cave. Somedays I do get a bit stir crazy, but for the most part it has been an amazing blessing and I am cherishing every bit of this precious time- they grow too fast not to savor every second!